yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
