cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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