new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
