Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
