what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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