Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
