david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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