I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
