Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
