Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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