thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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