i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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