I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
