So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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