I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
