if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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