Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize