Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i will never coherently bang her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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