i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
