I need help removing her.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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