Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
