I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
