Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
