we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
