Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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