I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
