Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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