Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
