She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just blew my weed a kiss
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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