At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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