Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
