Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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