the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
