I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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