just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm like, not good at living.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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