all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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