Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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