He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
