ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
