You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
