yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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