I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
