Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
