So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
