Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
