Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
