i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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