I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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