I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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