I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
ok first of all what the fuck
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
