I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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