If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
