apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
