I feel like abortions should bother me more
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
