She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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