Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
