The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
