and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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Do I have a choice?
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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