Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We got so high we made milksteak
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
