I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
