btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Come share oat with me in your robe
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
