You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
