Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
