Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
