You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
