i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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