Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
