Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
