ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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