If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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